Sunday, August 31, 2008

sarah palin biography

obviously the american media has yet to learn the truth about sarah palin. they discredit her for being inexperienced considering no one has useful any data on her. they say that her down syndrome baby is actually her granddaughter. what an awful accusation.

sarah palin was born in rural alaska. her mother opted not to go to the labor room but decided to stay to traditional alaskan laboring process. they believe that laboring a baby is best done outside in the cold. the icy snow numbs the nerves he reduces the labor pain significantly. because of the all year coldness of alaska, sarah palin developed bulletproof skin complexion. after birth, her mother got eaten by a bunch of hungry polar bears. the bears spared her.

sarah palin is a lethal assassin. she was five when she held her first gun. her first gunshot hit a moose in the eye. her first real assignment was at 16 after she got her drivers license because it wasn't very efficient to walk in the snow. she was hired by alaska's favorite son ted stevens to assassinate evil democrat honchos. since then she's been paid to remove oil lobbyists in dc.

she has only been shot at once while she was 18. she tried to assassinate a young oil lobbyist while he vacationed in montana. dick cheney caught her trying to sneak into his cabin and shot her in the face point blank. even though her skin is bulletproof, she had to undergo minor reconstruction to fix her dented face. sarah palin was back for business.

sarah palin profession ended when she was 25. she became addicted to murder and admitted to a rehab center. after much struggle with her addiction, she re-evaluated her lifestyle. she decided to redeem the men and women she assassinated.

sarah palin became a pro life.

she lived a quiet life after the ordeal. after a few years, a national crisis shocked the world. the world was now on a brink of cold war II. soviet russia sent their intelligence and army to afghanistan to spread the corrupt ideals of communism and provide the extremist muslims with knowledge to make nuclear bombs. the president called sarah palin and urged her to help obliterate the soviet russians. even before the president hung up, she finished her preparations.

sarah palin was ready on day one.

in the middle of the winter night, she swam across the bearing sea, hiked thousands of miles to get to mosco. she vowed to herself during rehab to never kill again but she slyly compromised with herself and will redeem herself again later. she single-handedly killed all the damn russian commies. she rode a camel she confiscated from a dead arab and went down to afghanistan and recovered the nuclear bomb info. she didn't know which ones were shiites or kurds or sunnis. she said who gave a shit they're all the same.

on her way back, sarah palin was caught by some angry russian commies, tortured, and became a POW for a few years, then one day she skillfully tricked the russians and ran back to america.

sarah palin was an american hero. the old governor gave her his job right away. she became the new governor of Alaska. the first order in the state was to murder all the polar bears that killed her mother. she was the most popular governor Alaska had ever had. because she used to be a POW she is claimed to now have three houses because she deserved it. it is only logical for her to deserve it considering how many unlucky veterans out there who are homeless and limbless.

presidential candidate senator john mccain was very impressed with her and felt a major connection between him and her. they both knew what it was like to be a prisoner of war. they both knew what it's like to own so many homes. they both know what it's like to be clueless when it comes to the economy. but they are both patriots and they complete each other.

the audacious john mccain will be accompanied by the ferocious sarah palin inside the oval office come january 2009.

mccain/ palin '08!

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